I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. I must be some type of ninja. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. She asked if it's a name for goats. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. 4 min read. My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. Me: You mean red light, green light. told someone i was 36 today. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. You haven't seen Encanto? Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 22, 2022) It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. Sign up to follow me here! Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. Janene. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. A. Our Favorite Funny Relatable Tweets From 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! The new year was a new flood of email. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. No word, no hug, not even a wave. Tweet. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. Me: Its 6 am. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! Start finger painting. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. I showed the kid and he gasped. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. I can't stop laughing. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. Ill take the $200 portrait package of my child posing in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. I am sometimes shocked at how ungrateful my kids can act. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! "Time is a human construct." Wishing you all a good weekend! We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. And can I visit for a week or two? We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. Part of HuffPost Parenting. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. what ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop? I told her no. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Parenting is similar. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. 3. 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". Tie-dye. 16 Hilarious Tweets About the Funny, Quirky Things Kids Do, Top 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents This Week, 21 Funny Tweets to Bring Some Laughs to Your Day, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From The Mom TruthBomb, 21 Funny and Relatable Tweets About New Years Resolutions, 20 Funny Tweets for Anyone Staying Home on New Years Eve. This is fine. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. They will communicate with . At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. "but who wiped God's butt? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! 4. 15-12-2021 2 2. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. My daughter is "OMG! You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. ya, school photographer. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. Took my 9yo to school. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My kids had money to spend at the store. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? Caroline Bologna. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". because it's not 13, 9 and 7. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. To be a parent or to not be a parent. Is this what good parenting feels like?? 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2022. Here they are: 1. My 7yo asked Tessas parents if they drive dead people around. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? '". Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. Well, for now. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. Yep,. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. Same. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. My daughter Chewbacca, not so much. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? U.S. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. ". That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I told her it's a name. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. Im just finding this out. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. You gotta start a new life someplace else. Published Jan 13, 2023. Him: you know too much of my personal business. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. 8: We only go. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. Thats weird, I thought. It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing. Why won't you let me live my life" years old. Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Dimples are just the cutest thing! My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. Had I upset her? To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. Wishing you all a good weekend! You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep.
